THE ONE WHO CAME BEFORE...

“Sensei” is a Japanese word we in the West, interpret as, “teacher.” We usually think of it in terms of martial arts training but in fact, it is applied to many other things such as flower arrangement or learning the board game Goh.

The more accurate definition of “sensei” is: “the one who came before.”

As a martial arts instructor, I always liked the more accurate definition; it indicated I had personally experienced the trials and tribulations of my own hard won journey to get to the level where I could share with students, that which was taught to me.

I think this is the sentiment, the essence of the word’s meaning.

Take away any martial arts connotations, use the Japanese terminology of sensei, the one who came before, and apply it to those from whom we seek advice.

Once you do that, you will have a different point of view of those who freely provide insight into how you should live your life or how you should react to situations.

Now, I am in no way suggesting that a professionally trained individual’s insights are invalid per se; I am only suggesting that theory, while all well and good, is enhanced by actual experience and first hand knowledge when dealing with the human condition.

In the West, we expect happiness. We assume good things will happen to us and we are rocked to our very foundations when things go awry.

Contrast that expectation with other countries and cultures where they expect life to be brutish and hard. Those people expect life will be hard. They are never disappointed.

While we lie on psychologists couches whining about our self-esteem or how our children disrespect us or how unfair life is, folks in other countries take it all in stride.

And we are astounded at how emotional, how passionate folks from other cultures are in displaying their feelings.

Men hug and kiss, fathers kiss and embrace their sons, relatives live with their children, and it is not abnormal for three generations to live under one roof.

When tragedy strikes, there is wailing and gnashing of teeth but life goes on; for the most part, there’s no need for professional intervention to suss out the emotional damage or alleviate the burdens of guilt or assign blame.

What is, is.

If someone is angry, they may pound a wall. If someone is sad, they will cry, male or female.

It is called, life.

I am an advocate of rationality. I am a supporter of civility. Intellectually, I understand that the death penalty for instance, is simply revenge killing by proxy and so I would not want to live in a society where the strongest have all the power and any slight might incur violence.

I enjoy living in a society that is by and large, dominated by the rule of law applied equally to all society’s members.

But I think we, in the West have gone too far in sanitizing emotions. Here it is taboo or at least considered lowbrow if a person exhibits anger.

I disagree with that premise.

I feel a person, male or female, has the right to display their anger or any emotion for that matter, when provoked. I think that is healthy.

I do not condone violence but I must admit there is always the exceptional situation where violence, in defense of self, may require physical intervention for the benefit of the greater good.

I didn’t always think this way but working as a correctional officer for nineteen years taught me "there is a time to talk and a time to get busy."


Most of the time, we do not converse, not properly. And I find it hypocritical that there are those whose position is that when voices are raised, the point ought to be conceded when in fact, they are not really listening to your argument at all. Next time you argue with someone, instead of countering their argument or defending your position, listen and you will understand they are not hearing what you say; they are anticipating your point and forming their counter argument.

Raising my voice is not violence; it is me making a point when faced with another person who is unwilling to listen me. While it may be futile, while it may illustrate my impotence, it sometimes, when used judiciously, helps those others hear my point.

And this brings me back to the ideal of the one who came before.

If your life experience is more varied and more extensive than the person who is giving you advice, of what use is that advice? Why should you grant them gravitas?

I have lived in three countries; I had a rough upbringing compared to many folks I know. I was bullied. I was beaten and I have beaten others who would seek to harm me.

In my job, I was required to use physical force when authorized to do so. I had no gun or weapon. I did what I had to do under the law of the land for the greater good of the institution.

None of my friends had that experience or were faced with those situations.

But there are people I know who have had tough childhoods. They experienced things I could not have survived. They have told me stories that gave me nightmares. I could not advise them on how to deal with their experiences with any credibility. Nor would I try.

So why would we, why should we, listen to the advice of those who have lived a privileged childhood, one without parental violence, bereft of bullying, beatings, or embarrassment?

Those privileged folks can talk of the ideals of a utopia where bad things do not occur or where rational thought carries the day. But that is not reality. That is a utopian ideal.

Again, I am not disparaging professional counselling nor am I throwing psychiatry under the bus, though I will point out that it is considered a “soft science.” Talk therapy can be helpful but even psychiatrists will tell you success is up to the individual.

What I am talking about has reached the ears of some counsellors, for it is now considered much more appropriate for patients suffering with PTSD to be paired with those who have experience as sufferers of PTSD.

I do try to make my points intellectually. I think violence is a last resort to be used only in defence of self or loved ones.  But I am not above raising my voice to make a point not otherwise heard by someone for rarely have minds been changed without taking an emotionally charged position. There is a time to talk and there is a time to get busy. 

And when it comes to advice, I convey gravitas to those who have come before...