Skip to main content

THANK YOU MARCUS!



2019! Already? Yes, the New Year is now two days old as I am writing. 

 This is the year I turn sixty-five. I will retire in August and the plan is to sell the house and move to Florida.

 So, facing lots of major life changes. 

 The fact is I am moving even further away from my kids, my family, and friends in Canada. This saddens me a great deal. (Of course, since our destination is to be Florida, they have all assured me they will be visiting us. I hope so.)

 There is now more sand in the bottom of the hour glass than at the top and reflecting on my life causes me some consternation. 

 It is so because I am coming face to face with my own mediocrity. 

 I had hoped my passions of music, martial arts and writing would have brought more acclaim, more financial reward despite the fact I engaged in them from love and without the thought of financial recompense.

 My life’s mistakes haunt me, as do the consequences born from poor decisions. 

 Oh, I know, no one ever consciously makes a bad decision. We all make our choices based on information at hand, always believing we are choosing wisely. We are all heroes of our own narrative.

 Yes, I know, one cannot appreciate the sweet without tasting the sour. 

 Nevertheless, despite the fact that I never expected to reach the ranks in martial arts that I earned, that I am by far a better player than I was in the band as a sixteen year old, and despite the fact I am working on my ninth book, I feel inadequate.

 Never mind the fact I have engaged in a second career, something I thought impossible when I was twenty-eight.

 Regardless of the fact that my first career as a correctional officer lasted nineteen years and my second career as a train operator has lasted twenty-three years or that I have made it in a new country, with new friends and as a result of re-marrying I have been accepted into a new family, I feel my life has been unremarkable.

 It may be that I am a harsh taskmaster when it comes to assessing my own life.

 I don’t think I am the only person who thinks like this. I wonder how many more “working stiffs” think this about their own lives.

 “When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” 

 Marcus Aurelius is fast becoming one of my favourite philosophers. I know I should be happier than how I feel simply from the sheer joy of waking each morning.

 And yet, while not disappointed that I am waking with faculties intact, I nevertheless feel the crushingly oppressive thought that I have not lived up to my own potential. 

 With that thought process operating in my head, I feel guilty that I have not done more with my life.

 “Be content with what you are, and wish not change; nor dread your last day, nor long for it.”

 Emperor Aurelius is probably correct in that I should be satisfied that I tried my best under the circumstances and given my abilities of thought and physicality. I should be content.

 “Everything that happens, happens as it should, and if you observe carefully you will find this to be so.” 

 If I acted differently, chose differently based on the circumstances, then I would in fact not be the person I am; I would not be “me.” Therefore, things could not be otherwise. Change had to occur because I am who I am.

 “My true self is free, it cannot be contained.” This seems axiomatic. I will be that which I will be.

 “We live only now. Everything else is either passed or is unknown.” This bit of wisdom is what I need to do right now. This needs to be my modus operandi moving forward.

 Perhaps I ought to lighten up and be more grateful for the things I have, the people in my life who love me and whom I love dearly in return.

 I should be content that I have acknowledged my shortcomings and have made amends where I can.

 What is passed is past and what is to come has not yet manifested; today is after all, yesterday’s tomorrow.

 My life has been full. I set goals and met them. The results were not perhaps the way I thought they should be but that is not in my control.

 In the end, I love all my family, all my friends and am overjoyed I have family and friends in so many places. 

 I am even more appreciative that they accept me as I am despite my shortcomings.

 I can dare not ask for more than that for I am happy.





Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

ON THE CUSP OF A RADICAL PARADIGM SHIFT

It has been a long time since I last wrote in this blog. I have been busy with music projects and writing novels. In fact, I am writing my ninth novel right now and am just taking a break. I wanted to get back into keeping up with my blog but didn't want  it to become a format for political rants. Let's be frank, the political landscape is abysmal and folks have never been so divided and so entrenched in their views. I am no exception! Rather than regurgitate the dogma and doctrine of one party over the other, I am guided by the tenets I have long adhered to: democracy, equality under the law, opportunity, justice and a strong social safety net. I welcome diversity in all forms. I believe we should all be accountable and responsible for our actions. Worker's rights, women's rights, these are important to me as basic human rights. Income inequality is a huge issue. Of course, captains of industry deserve the right to have the largest piece of the pie. T
Post a Comment
Read more

POSTURE

It is acceptable in martial arts to adopt any particular kamae, or “posture,” as an expression of one’s self in an artistic or stylistic manner provided it is a sound stratagem in and of itself or that the individual is so adept at the posture it makes her effective in a self-defence scenario.  In many cases, a particular kamae or posture signals the style of martial art the person has studied. The straight up posture, fists clenched, arms out and slightly bent, legs in a wide stance could indicate a karate practitioner. Arms up, away from the body, palms toward the opponent, might mean a Muay Thai fighter. The various forms of Kung Fu, indicating the Tiger, the Dragon or the Praying Mantis are distinguished by their exotic postures, and so on. How we present ourselves in daily life and in a non-martial context gives people hints about ourselves. Whatever way we present ourselves can be considered our kamae, our posture.  This begs the questions, just how does the world perc
Post a Comment
Read more

AESTHETIC DISTANCE

I love films. I have always loved films. In high school during the very early seventies, I was able to take a film arts course along with English courses, media and communications. I loved it. Film is art. The famous MGM logo with the lion’s roar that prefaces so many famous movies incorporates the Latin, “ARS GRATIA ARTIS” which means “art for art’s sake,” and was designed in 1916 by Howard Dietz. The saying is credited to the 19th century French philosopher, Victor Cousin and was written as “l’art pour l’art.” One of the basic lessons I learned in film arts was the concept of aesthetic distance.  This concept originally applied to literature refers to the gap between the readers, or as in the case of film, the viewer’s conscious reality and the fictional reality constructed by an author of a book or the director of the film.  Of course, in film there are so many more variables to be considered, actor’s craft, lighting, cinematography, music et cetera.
Post a Comment
Read more