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CONVENIENT MORALITY




The pampered middle class suburbanite that I am, complaining of back pain as those of us who are of a certain age often do I dragged myself to work. I work the afternoon shift. I managed to stop at a convenience store to pick up a sandwich and coffee. I bought a lottery ticket. My wife and I are not poor we are middle class, barely. But with two years, four months until I retire at sixty-five, a lottery win would erase all anxiety about our retirement years.

Are we not driven to wish a better life for our loved ones? Our spouses, our children, grandchildren, our parents, if they are still alive, these are the people we would first like to help with a windfall. That was my altruistic view when I paid for my food, drink and chance at being a hero.

Laden down with my wares and my car keys, I exited the store. A dishevelled man of indeterminate age, dirty looking, with bad teeth, uncombed hair and beard asked me for change.

Honestly, I had no change. I paid for my stuff with a credit card. I put my last two dollars of real cash into the lottery machine. I shook my head, got into my car and left.

What a shitty thing to do!

How bad was that guy’s life that he had to pan handle outside a convenience store? What was his story? Drugs? Drink? Mental illness? I didn’t even stop to ask, I didn’t care. No! Worse than that, I didn’t stop to think. My focus was on getting to work and how bad I had it because my back was hurting and I had to go to work anyway, the universe was so against me!

What a dick!

Back on my way to work, yeah, to the job I was trained to do because I was educated enough to work at a good middle class job and take care of my family. I had food by my side, yeah, it wasn’t me going hungry, in fact, I‘m supposed to lose weight!

And let’s not lose sight of the fact that I am an immigrant to this country! I became a citizen so I could vote but I am not born here.

Why didn’t I take the guy into the store and order him a sandwich? I could have done that, easily.

I didn’t even think of it.

And what of the many millions of folks here in America, the richest country in the world, who suffer even worse than this poor wretch that I ignored!

I consider myself a moral person. Relatively, anyway. And yet if that is so, how could I have failed to help this person? Why did it never dawn on me to buy him a sandwich? I had no cash to give him so it wasn’t like I was concerned he would just buy drugs or drink. I could have bought him something to eat and drink with my card. Nope. Not even a thought of doing that.

And I call myself a moral person.

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