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THE WAY OF COMPATABILITY

Mr. Thomas Makiyama of Keijutsukai Aikido has a particular interpretation of the concept of Kokyu-ho as: “the way of compatibility.” This is an explanation that resonates with me. 

 During my Hakkoryu Jujutsu training the same concept was referred to as “yielding,"  the avoidance of pitting force against force. 

 “Surrender to win” is a phrase used in recovery programs to define a strategy of surrendering to a Higher Power rather than futilely banging one’s head on the wall of addiction. (I am stretching to the point of breaking in order to make a point, but I like the phrase).  I am not suggesting a religious meaning or implying anything outside of the human purview, but I think the phrase applies well to the concept of kokyu-ho. 

 Life presents many tough challenges. Despite our fervent wishes and hopes we can never “force” something to happen in life. 
Acceptance, the ability to see reality as being accurate and real, is a sound strategy. 

 Think of water in terms of life challenges. Water is resilient; punch it and it simply moves out of the way and then rushes back to instantly engulf your hand. Push against it and you will fall into the water for there is nothing pushing back at you (a tip of the hat here to Bruce Lee). 

 And yet we all know how difficult it is to stand up against the crashing waves on the beach or walk chest deep the length of a pool. 

 In fact, water can be the most devastating force in the world as we saw when a tsunami hit Southeast Asia on December 26, 2004. 

 I am using the analogy of water to try and illustrate how when faced with difficult people or situations it may be futile for you to use force, to pit your energy against them. 

 Sometimes “fighting back” is not the best strategy. Just like water gives way, it is also a strong force and so avoiding or yielding to a confrontation is not weakness but rather a strategy employed to save your serenity. 

 Do you need to win every argument? Might it not be helpful to allow the other person to have their say, yield to them as it were, and then research their points later? When time and circumstance allow, you can determine the weight and accuracy of your argument versus theirs. 

 If you are satisfied with the facts and rationale of your position, that what you posit has adequate evidence to rationally support your conclusions then you can come back and re-affirm your position with authority. Or not. 

 Is it important to you that the person who disagrees with you knows they are wrong? Will your well-researched, logically crafted argument change their point of view? 

Will it matter if it does? 

 Could it be that they have a different point-of-view from yours and the best outcome is for you both is to agree to differ? 
When confronted with an obnoxious person who gets in your face, is un-cooperative, yelling at you, there is no need for you to reply in kind. Why escalate the situation?

 A better strategy might be to employ the concept of kokyu-ho and yield. Lower your voice, create a distance and if they are still belligerent, walk away, refuse to engage; do not pit force against force. 

 Be then as water, resilient and fluid. Yield, surrender to win, avoid pitting force against force, but when necessary, harness the power of a tsunami.

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