"Be content with what you you are and wish not change; nor dread your last day, nor long for it," so said the Stoic philosopher and Emperor of the Roman Empire, one of the five good emperors, Marcus Aurelius.
Alas, I fall short of following the advice of the philosopher emperor. I find myself dissatisfied at times, but certainly not all the time, with what I am.
Regret for past deeds, bad choices made, actions taken-or not taken, these things serve to haunt me and to steal my peace. Have you experienced this theft of happiness? It can be daunting, dealing with these feelings, especially if the cause is rooted in specific life-changing loss. Or if those you love the most in the world have been hurt by your actions. It's not just feeling blue, is it? No, it feels more akin to physical pain, as though a limb has been cut off.
In such circumstance, it may be helpful to accept and embrace the pain, to allow yourself, carefully, to experience the feelings as they awaken. Better not to tamp down such potentially harmful emotions and wait for the destructive explosion sure to follow. But, take heart. It is difficult, but not impossible to rise above the black feelings of pain and despair by forgiving yourself.
For as you show mercy to others, so should you be merciful with yourself, because no one deliberately makes a bad decision. We act, for all intent and purpose, in good faith, based on the best information at hand.
Choosing to take action is a possible defence against these black thoughts. Acknowledging a wrong you may have caused, apologizing for it, and making amends, is the most you have the power to do in these cases. And we do grow from mistakes we have made, and mistakes will always be made, for none of us is perfect.
However, there is no guarantee the injured party will accept your apology or be satisfied with your amends; they may forever hold a grudge against you. This, you may find, will be the burden you will need to decide how to handle in order to carry on.
Some of us will be able to cast aside such a burden, knowing that what could have been done to mitigate the situation has indeed been done and so the burden need be carried no further.
Others, me for instance, may get caught in a negative spiral, reliving our past mistakes, and torturing ourselves with guilt. This can become self-destructive. It is at this juncture, important for us to realize that we are as worthy of a happy life as the next person.
The only escape from our desperate despair has to be our conscious decision to not allow ourselves to be overwhelmed. Armed with the certitude that we would change past mistakes if we had the power, we must realize we are indeed powerless to do so. And in acknowledging that we harbour the desire to change past events and to have made better decisions, should fortify our belief that we are worthy, that we are not all that bad. Indeed, we are only human.
And so armed, the way out of our desperate, self-recriminating, spiral of despair, can only be by exercising a choice-to choose to forgive ourselves. If we can manage to do that, perhaps we will be content with who we are at the moment and to live, not dreading our last day, nor longing for it.
Alas, I fall short of following the advice of the philosopher emperor. I find myself dissatisfied at times, but certainly not all the time, with what I am.
Regret for past deeds, bad choices made, actions taken-or not taken, these things serve to haunt me and to steal my peace. Have you experienced this theft of happiness? It can be daunting, dealing with these feelings, especially if the cause is rooted in specific life-changing loss. Or if those you love the most in the world have been hurt by your actions. It's not just feeling blue, is it? No, it feels more akin to physical pain, as though a limb has been cut off.
In such circumstance, it may be helpful to accept and embrace the pain, to allow yourself, carefully, to experience the feelings as they awaken. Better not to tamp down such potentially harmful emotions and wait for the destructive explosion sure to follow. But, take heart. It is difficult, but not impossible to rise above the black feelings of pain and despair by forgiving yourself.
For as you show mercy to others, so should you be merciful with yourself, because no one deliberately makes a bad decision. We act, for all intent and purpose, in good faith, based on the best information at hand.
Choosing to take action is a possible defence against these black thoughts. Acknowledging a wrong you may have caused, apologizing for it, and making amends, is the most you have the power to do in these cases. And we do grow from mistakes we have made, and mistakes will always be made, for none of us is perfect.
However, there is no guarantee the injured party will accept your apology or be satisfied with your amends; they may forever hold a grudge against you. This, you may find, will be the burden you will need to decide how to handle in order to carry on.
Some of us will be able to cast aside such a burden, knowing that what could have been done to mitigate the situation has indeed been done and so the burden need be carried no further.
Others, me for instance, may get caught in a negative spiral, reliving our past mistakes, and torturing ourselves with guilt. This can become self-destructive. It is at this juncture, important for us to realize that we are as worthy of a happy life as the next person.
The only escape from our desperate despair has to be our conscious decision to not allow ourselves to be overwhelmed. Armed with the certitude that we would change past mistakes if we had the power, we must realize we are indeed powerless to do so. And in acknowledging that we harbour the desire to change past events and to have made better decisions, should fortify our belief that we are worthy, that we are not all that bad. Indeed, we are only human.
And so armed, the way out of our desperate, self-recriminating, spiral of despair, can only be by exercising a choice-to choose to forgive ourselves. If we can manage to do that, perhaps we will be content with who we are at the moment and to live, not dreading our last day, nor longing for it.
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