Is it me or does anyone else think they are not being heard? Doesn't it seem that these days folks don't listen to what you are saying and instead they prepare a response even while you are still speaking? I don't know about you but I find this frustrating. This behaviour is sometimes accompanied by the person you are talking with editorializing every few sentences you make which causes you to lose your train of thought.
And of course, with the ubiquitous mobile phone, it is hard to tell if the person you are talking with is even listening, they are too busy checking something on FaceBook. But that is not so much an issue of a difference in linguistic styles as it is more about plain bad manners.
My linguistic style can be passionate and animated especially if I am talking about something important to me. I don't know if it's my age or if I am not as mentally strong as I should be, but constant editorializing greatly distracts me. I also think that when I am in the middle of a broad story and trying to make a general point, minutiae is unimportant and constantly being asked to expound on trivial points that are not germane to the story aggravates me.
In my family, I notice that non-verbal cues such as shrugs, grimaces, eye rolls or the dropping of a hand on the table, indeed any physical signal whatsoever, is interpreted by me as a negative or indifferent response to what I am saying (and experience has taught me I am usually correct). I have grown up with this and may be hypersensitive to inadvertent physical gestures.
As a male, and with a certain life experience ( I was a correctional officer for nineteen years) my reaction when faced with these frustrating behaviours is to raise my voice. This is often interpreted as me trying to assert myself, my power, my maleness, if you will (I feel this is especially the case when the person I am speaking with is female).
But is this really the case? I do not think it is and I certainly have no such bad intentions. However, I do intend that I should be heard, not agreed with per se, but heard. And is it really fair to enforce arbitrary rules of conversation on one party, namely me, when the other party can interrupt, editorialize or worse, play with their phone with impunity?
Certainly, two wrongs do not make a right and I should not raise my voice in conversation. Nor should I do so when my voice is tinged with the heat of emotion; that can rightly be seen as carrying the connotation of anger and with that the desire to impose my personal power.
Gender difference, cultural differences, differences in regions and even experience, influence how we communicate verbally. Timing, as they say, is everything. Perhaps, one person perceives too short a break in the conversation to insert a comment, while the other person hears enough of a pause to allow for the insertion of a comment. Communication is both verbal and non-verbal and how we say things is important in negotiating status and establishing rapport.
Dealing with these differences and still communicating effectively and harmoniously with others can be difficult. I tend to be easily offended if I feel I am not being listened to and so my voice rises. Most often, if I have been frustrated by the behaviour of the group due to differences in linguistic style, I will disengage and no longer converse with the group.
Talking is important to us. It keeps us social, which is something of utmost importance to us as primates, and it may assist in resolving difficulties within the social hierarchy of our daily lives. It is something we all need to work on; it is something I certainly need to practice.
And of course, with the ubiquitous mobile phone, it is hard to tell if the person you are talking with is even listening, they are too busy checking something on FaceBook. But that is not so much an issue of a difference in linguistic styles as it is more about plain bad manners.
My linguistic style can be passionate and animated especially if I am talking about something important to me. I don't know if it's my age or if I am not as mentally strong as I should be, but constant editorializing greatly distracts me. I also think that when I am in the middle of a broad story and trying to make a general point, minutiae is unimportant and constantly being asked to expound on trivial points that are not germane to the story aggravates me.
In my family, I notice that non-verbal cues such as shrugs, grimaces, eye rolls or the dropping of a hand on the table, indeed any physical signal whatsoever, is interpreted by me as a negative or indifferent response to what I am saying (and experience has taught me I am usually correct). I have grown up with this and may be hypersensitive to inadvertent physical gestures.
As a male, and with a certain life experience ( I was a correctional officer for nineteen years) my reaction when faced with these frustrating behaviours is to raise my voice. This is often interpreted as me trying to assert myself, my power, my maleness, if you will (I feel this is especially the case when the person I am speaking with is female).
But is this really the case? I do not think it is and I certainly have no such bad intentions. However, I do intend that I should be heard, not agreed with per se, but heard. And is it really fair to enforce arbitrary rules of conversation on one party, namely me, when the other party can interrupt, editorialize or worse, play with their phone with impunity?
Certainly, two wrongs do not make a right and I should not raise my voice in conversation. Nor should I do so when my voice is tinged with the heat of emotion; that can rightly be seen as carrying the connotation of anger and with that the desire to impose my personal power.
Gender difference, cultural differences, differences in regions and even experience, influence how we communicate verbally. Timing, as they say, is everything. Perhaps, one person perceives too short a break in the conversation to insert a comment, while the other person hears enough of a pause to allow for the insertion of a comment. Communication is both verbal and non-verbal and how we say things is important in negotiating status and establishing rapport.
Dealing with these differences and still communicating effectively and harmoniously with others can be difficult. I tend to be easily offended if I feel I am not being listened to and so my voice rises. Most often, if I have been frustrated by the behaviour of the group due to differences in linguistic style, I will disengage and no longer converse with the group.
Talking is important to us. It keeps us social, which is something of utmost importance to us as primates, and it may assist in resolving difficulties within the social hierarchy of our daily lives. It is something we all need to work on; it is something I certainly need to practice.
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